- james.kalyn is a moron
- Real drop for genuine macho!
- Upgrade your man dignity.

I have a lot of things I'm supposed to do here. I was supposed to take pictures of Saturday's purchases at... I don't even know how to describe the store we went to. It's like a warehouse, right? Kind of like Costco, but a dusty Costco, one with a smell, and all it sells is crap. But that makes it sound like the place is no good when in fact it was great. I was not initially keen on the idea of going, no matter what size of bags of chocolate coins they had (answer: GIANT bags of chocolate coins) but was convinced to go after being promised that they sold coffee syrups.

"So it's a food store," you say, "since they have chocolates and coffee syrups."

Yes. And no. It is a store that happens to sell those things. It does not primarily sell those things, though. I don't know what it sells primarily. Really, I don't think it thinks it's a store, since you have to have a membership to shop there, and I don't think you could buy one if you wanted to. You just have to know someone who has one.

"So... it's like a Costco that doesn't try very hard?"

Kind of. But this store (that isn't a store) is the result of so much effort. Dusty, smelly effort. If you ever wanted stacks of Mardi Gras masks or plastic fruit or fake flowers or macrame cord or corn-on-the-cob holders or baked pita chips or sailor hats or two-dollar gravy boats or giant Egyptian cat lawn ornaments or Scotchgard or pounds of Jelly Bellys or glow-in-the-dark Tyrannosaurus Rex engraving kits, this is the place for you.

Imagine if Michael's and Costco had a baby and left it in a dumpster. And it survived, but it never left the dumpster, but it was still a really cool guy. There you go.

I won't take pictures of the stuff we bought because I have plans for some of it, but I can assure you that I damn sure did buy a glow-in-the-dark Tyrannosaurus Rex engraving kit. On Saturday, at the store, a million pictures were taken of me wearing hilarious masks or hilarious hats or holding cylindrical objects in suggestive poses ("WHY would you hand him a plastic cucumber? What did you think he was going to do with it?") and if I ever get copies, I may put them on Facebook.

I was going to update you on the rest of my life but you don't care and I'm sleepy from aquacise. Aquacize. How does one spell that? Figure it out and get back to me.

While in Toronto, I told Cindy about my time in Timmins and she asked to see pictures of Space Mary. I have been diligently searching through my CDs of old backups, and holy crap. The treasures I have found. I have a new Facebook photo album dedicated just to showing all the embarrassing pictures of myself. They are plentiful and varied. But there's more - it turns out I wrote a movie once. I have no recollection of this, but it's definitely my style. Click the link to read

Weighed in. Up a ton. Not quite literally, but close.

Came home to find out that my rent is going up nearly $100 in three months.

In other news, you can now see videos of that guy who was yelling outside my window the other morning. They're here and here and here (and now they work) (I think).

- Format all your diseases.
- Put your hands up for quality's meds!
- Amaze your lady friends thoroughly
- Your tool will be really heavy after green pill
- After yellow pill you should fix your bed!
- Natural fertilizer for your cucumber.
- Wiener wiener chicken digger