The other day, I had an idea. A zombie movie about people trapped in an old folks' home. The residents have become zombies. I call it The Hellderly.

The idea was not without its immediately obvious flaws. Old people are fragile; those already in nursing homes, doubly so. You wouldn't need to cut off their heads like you do with normal zombies. Many can't walk. For the rest, their hips might give out on their own. And if one did catch you and tried to bite you, their false teeth would fall out. All you'd have to do to stop a senior citizen zombie invasion is hide the Dentugrip.

No problem. Instead of inventing a horror movie, I invented a comedy. Might be hard stretching that out to 90 minutes, though. I invented a short comedy. A quick Google search indicates this movie does not yet exist (not under this title, anyway), but there might be a band called Hellderly. I didn't follow this search through to its inevitable MySpace conclusion.

In other news, we have a referral program at my work. If I meet potential customers in social situations, and they express interest in our products, and I get someone from work to contact them, I get entered into a random prize draw. And I won! I had my choice of three prizes, and I selected the year of free cable TV with all the channel packages (including the movie channels). Hooray! I got two months of cheap TV when I switched over to the HD bundle last month, but I was sad because my HBO Canada trial was going to run out before the new season of Flight of the Conchords ended. Problem solved.

So far, almost everyone I've told has invited themselves over to watch my new free porn. They always get sad when I tell them that I didn't win the porn channels. I did point out that I could subscribe to the porn channels with the money I'll be saving, but apparently that isn't good enough.

Porn or no porn, this is making my job seem pretty good. This past week at work has been really quiet, which scares me, because I've got two big projects due early next week. I am not concerned about one of them and I am very concerned about the other one. It has been about two years since I stayed overnight at work, but I fear that might be happening. I will be bitter if it happens; doubly bitter if it happens on Tuesday, which is the day Hawksley is playing in Brandon. I have a ticket, but we'll see if I get to go. Or if the idea of an eight-hour round trip appeals when the day actually gets here.

Mmm, the store-brand Robaxacet is kicking in. I don't know if it's doing much for my sore shoulder, but I'm feeling generally relaxed. Good stuff. I should go for a massage one of these days. Never been. It doesn't seem like something I'd like, but I would like it if my shoulder quit hurting.

Mika is watching Dollhouse. I am blogging. Maybe this sentence could start the entry? Or maybe it ties in with the talk of TV? Or whatever. I don't watch many shows. Conchords, Hell's Kitchen, and The Office are all that I bother recording, apart from wrestling, and that's only so I can watch it in fast forward. Makes it better. I really need some new interests. Suggestions?

Losing focus. Out of topics. Time for bed.

Been on a big Pursuit of Happiness kick lately. No idea why (apart from that they rule, I mean).

Saw Synecdoche, New York tonight. On first viewing, it wasn't up there with Eternal Sunshine or Being John Malkovich but that is not a knock. It was weird as all get out but I definitely enjoyed it. Will probably see it again soon, maybe even with Mika this weekend.

Gotta see The Wrestler soon, obviously. I have no idea what it would be like to watch a wrestling movie that isn't made by and for the mentally challenged. I'm looking at YOU, Ready to Rumble and Nacho Libre and No Holds Barred and almost anything starring a wrestler and the original The Wrestler from the 70's (which is at least kind of fun in a campy way).

There have been some very good wrestling documentaries but I bet they wouldn't interest you.

At the theatre tonight, I saw hansen9j  for our quarterly wave-hi-from-across-the-room meeting. He was there with his people, one of whom apparently stalks me on the LiveJournal. Hi stalker! What did you guys think of the movie?

I have nothing else to report. Haven't done much. Lots of videogames. Not enough dishes. Not enough sleep. Sadly, I'm more likely to go boot up the Xbox than go to bed.

Top 100 grossing movies are under the cut. If I’ve saw it in the theatres (first), it’s in bold. If I saw it only on DVD or VHS, it’s in itallics. If I actually liked it (at the time), it’ll be underlined at well.

Titanic (1997)
The Dark Knight (2008)
Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope (1977)
Shrek 2 (2004)
E. T. The Extra-Terrestrial (1982)
Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999)
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest (2006)
Spider-Man (2002)
Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (2005)
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)
Spider-Man 2 (2004)
The Passion of the Christ (2004)
Jurassic Park (1993)
The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002)
Finding Nemo (2003)
Spider-Man 3 (2007)
Forrest Gump (1994)
The Lion King (1994)
Shrek the Third (2007)
Transformers (2007)
Iron Man (2008)
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone (2001)
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008)
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)
Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones (2002)
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End (2007)
Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi (1983)
Independence Day (1996)
Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003)
The Sixth Sense (1999)
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (2007)
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (2005)
Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005)
Home Alone (1990)
The Matrix Reloaded (2003)
Meet the Fockers (2004)
Shrek (2001)
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002)
The Incredibles (2004)
Dr. Seuss’ How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)
Jaws (1975)
I Am Legend (2007)
Monsters, Inc. (2001)
Batman (1989)
Night at the Museum (2006)
Men in Black (1997)
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004)
Toy Story 2 (1999)
Cars (2006)
Bruce Almighty (2003)
Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)
Twister (1996)
My Big Fat Greek Wedding (2002)
Ghostbusters (1984)
Beverly Hills Cop (1984)
X-Men: The Last Stand (2006)
War of the Worlds (2005)
Cast Away (2000)
The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997)
Signs (2002)
Hancock (2008)
The Bourne Ultimatum (2007)
Rush Hour 2 (2001)
WALL·E (2008)
National Treasure: Book of Secrets (2007)
Mrs. Doubtfire (1993)
King Kong (2005)
Ghost (1990)
The Da Vinci Code (2006)
Aladdin (1992)
Alvin and the Chipmunks (2007)
Saving Private Ryan (1998)
Mission: Impossible 2 (2000)
Kung Fu Panda (2008)
X2: X-Men United (2003)
Austin Powers in Goldmember (2002)
Back to the Future (1985)
300 (2006)
Wedding Crashers (2005)
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005)
Ratatouille (2007)
Austin Powers 2: The Spy Who Shagged Me (1999)
Batman Begins (2005)
Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)
The Exorcist (1973)
The Mummy Returns (2001)
Armageddon (1998)
Superman Returns (2006)
Gone With the Wind (1939)
Pearl Harbor (2001)
Happy Feet (2006)
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989)
Ice Age: The Meltdown (2006)
Madagascar (2005)
Toy Story (1995)
Men in Black II (2002)
Gladiator (2000)
The Day After Tomorrow (2004)
Mr. & Mrs. Smith (2005)

1) Where did you begin 2008?

I can't tell you, but I may have had a giant latex penis strapped to my forehead.

2) What was your status by Valentine's Day?

I don't know. Hungry? Employed? What are you getting at? If you mean my love life, my status matched the rest of the year.

3) Were you in school anytime this year?

Nope. That may change soon, albeit on a small scale.

4) How did you earn your money?

Pretending to write.

5) Did you have to go to the hospital?

I went once as a visitor.

6) Did you have any encounters with the police?

No. Didn't even run into Darrin.

7) Where did you go on holiday?

Calgary, Toronto/Owen Sound, Calgary, North Carolina.

8) What did you purchase that was over $1,000?

My car! And two sets of repairs to my old car. Note to self: if you think "maybe selling the car for $500 for parts instead of fixing it might be a good idea," do it.

9) Do you know anybody who got married?

Steve and Marjorie. I think that was the only wedding I attended all year.

10) Do you know anybody who passed away?

Not closely.

11) Did you move anywhere?

I was sedentary.

12) What concerts/shows did you go to?

The Hives were the best. Hawksley was a close second and R.E.M. was a treat. I also saw Oasis and Collective Soul, and I'm sure there were others, but I can't check my list right now.

13) Are you registered to vote?

I'm Canadian and of age. I don't think I have to DO anything. But yes, I vote.

14) Who did you want to win Big Brother?

Who cares?

15) Where do you live now?

In my apartment with my video game machines and my deep freeze.

16) Describe your birthday

Uh... um. I think the day passed pretty quietly. I believe I was at work. Yep.

17) What's one thing you thought you'd never do but did in 2008?

I don't know if I really have anything great. I bought a car but I knew I'd have to at some point. I went to North Carolina and Toronto, but I'd been there before. I saw R.E.M. but there are fewer and fewer must-sees on my never-seen list so it was likely that I'd track them down at some point.

I never thought I'd have to retrieve a wheel that tore off my car and rolled down 33rd Street, but I did! So there.

18) What has been your favourite moment?

The Toronto trip was pretty sensational, but I don't know if it counts as a "moment."

19) What's something you learned about yourself?

I learned this one yesterday (which was technically 2009 but whatever): I'm binary. I have an on and an off.

See, yesterday, I found out two pieces of news

1) I forgot that I was getting extra money on my first paycheque of the year, and it equals (give or take $50) the cost of my new TV, so my TV is, in essence, free.

2) Synecdoche, New York is playing at the library theatre next week.

It amused me to learn that I reacted identically to these two pieces of news. You'd think the free TV would get a bigger reaction, but no. Happiness on.

Similarly, my "frustration" switch goes on and off. A bad driver in a parking lot makes me want to kill, despite being (at most) a minor annoyance. I need a dimmer switch.

20) Any new additions to your family?

I guess Marjorie counts, and a couple of my cousins had babies, but there's nobody new at my house. I'd like a cat but they won't let me have one.

21) What was your best month?

Well, June had the trip to Toronto and three paycheques. That's pretty great. I'll go with that unless it turns out I've got the month wrong.

22) What music will you remember 2008 by?

The soundtrack to Evil Dead: The Musical. The Hives. You Don't Know Me by Ben Folds and Regina Spektor. The two new Hawksley albums. Still Alive from Portal. Eye of the Tiger because of stupid Rock Band for jerks.

23) Who has been your best drinking buddy?

Not the guy who made me surprise drinks! I'd have to go with Steve since I got nicely buzzed (but not too buzzed) and it made Mario Kart even better.

24) Made new friends?

I don't know if there's anyone who's NEW new.

25) Best NEW friend?

Chad? I guess? I mean, we talk more now than we did before, but I've known him for more than a year, so I don't know if he counts? Surveys are stupid. But he did take me for a lunch-changing experience at the donair place.

26) Favourite night out?

I bowled tolerably for once. That was a good night. Steve and I saw Evil Dead and then there was beer and Nintendo. That was a good night too. I should have read the past year's blog entries before writing this, I think.

27) Three people you've dated?:

What kind of boy do you think I am?

28) Have you kissed any of the three from #27?:

Does Rob count?

29) Did you kiss anyone of the same sex?:

Does Rob count?

30) Something you're looking forward to before 2009?:

Too late for you, stupid question.

31) Where will you start 2009?:

We watched movies and by 11:30, I was praying for sleep.

Speaking of movies, I saw 21 new movies in 2008 (including some 2007 movies). And I ranked them! I don't really know HOW I ranked them, though. It's not quality, exactly, since there are "better" movies that are ranked below worse ones. And it's not enjoyment, since that would be biased against serious movies. Some combination thereof, I guess?

I tried writing little descriptions but got tired of churning out clichés so I'll just give you the list and if you want to discuss it, say something in the comments:

01. No Country for Old Men
02. The Dark Knight
03. Quantum of Solace
04. Burn After Reading
05. Wall*E
06. Iron Man
07. Tropic Thunder
08. JCVD
09. Rock N Rolla
10. Forgetting Sarah Marshall
11. Hamlet 2
12. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
13. Be Kind Rewind
14. The Mist
15. Juno
16. Lars and the Real Girl
17. Walk Hard - The Dewey Cox Story
18. Zack and Miri Make a Porno
19. Enchanted
20. The X-Files: I Want to Believe
21. The Waterhorse

Dudes. Third Eye Blind has a new song out. 

Remember Third Eye Blind? Semi-Charmed Life? I sure did like that song. But that was a decade ago, and we have long since established that I am a fool with bad taste. And I thought Third Eye Blind had long since been declared dead, but I was informed of my mistake by way of Culture Bully, a music blog that Aaron introduced me to. Surprised that the band was still around, I grabbed the song, and... wow.

If you want the song - and hey, it's free and appears to be legal, so you may as well - you can right-click and save it from here. And here's their website.

The title of the song is Non-Dairy Creamer and you might be expecting some kind of hilarious double entendre, but... I don't think it is. Maybe? I can't tell. This song confuses me. When I first started listening to it, I thought it was awful, but I couldn't shut it off. And then it got more and more perplexing until... well, you'll know the tipping point when you get there. I would feel like a bad person if I spoiled it for you.

A friend described the song as "1998's shitty music meets 2008's shitty lyrics" and I agree but I have also listened to the song like a dozen times and I'm sharing it with you, so what does that say? I don't think this is one of those songs that I secretly like - maybe I'm just trying to make sense of it all? When I played the song for Mika, she said "what the hell?" four times in four different tones of voice. That's the reaction this song gets. It's one of the more memorable songs I've heard lately, for better or worse.

In other recent media news, Mika and I saw Zack And Miri Make A Porno this weekend. It was not great. When it was over, Mika asked what I thought and I said "I have seen worse movies," which she correctly noted was faint praise. Two worse movies are Clerks II and Jersey Girl, so I guess this is a step up for Kevin Smith. Clerks II had many cringe-inducingly terrible scenes - having said that, there was at least one really funny scene in Clerks II and there was nothing anywhere nearly that funny in Zack and Miri.

It wasn't awful - there were a few good jokes, and some amusing cameos that I won't spoil for you. And Seth Rogen and Elizabeth Banks were both good, given what they had to work with. But I can't really recommend it to you, unless you felt that 40-Year-Old Virgin needed less realism and fewer jokes.